she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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