Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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