I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
