I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
