Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
