So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
