just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
