i wish my penis had a tongue
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
