please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
