The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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