You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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