9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
