she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
