so explain again why im purple
no
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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