Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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