I am puke
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
