Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We're too hungover to prance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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