Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize