Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
