I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
