just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
