I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
