As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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