Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
