You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
