his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize