No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
