ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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