She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
