We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
