Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
