it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
