I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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