I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
