It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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