wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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