wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
