I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
