the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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