I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
