I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
