Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
