im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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