ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
