you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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