I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
