it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
