i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
