Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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