Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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