why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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