Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
