it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My life is pants optional.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
