I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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