I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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