Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
