We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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