But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
