I will die if light touches me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
