I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
