i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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