If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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