the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
