so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
