god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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