I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
