It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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