I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
