I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
