i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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