The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
