ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
