it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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