my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
