hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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